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by Edgar Davidson

Following my recent correspondence with the Press Complaints Commission and the Sun I am pleased to reveal the following rule book issued to all members of the Western media corps:

Rule 1 (Incidents involving possible loss of Arab lives)

If there is any incident either in Israel or near its borders in which there are claims of Arab losses you should write a report with the following headline:

"Israeli troops kill X Arab civilians including Y children"

For the numbers X and Y simply choose the highest figures from the following sources:

You do not need to state the source of your claim. In the unlikely event that an Israeli spokesman claims either a different figure or that the incident simply did not happen you may end your report with the following:

"An Israeli spokesman claimed, without evidence, that they 'acted in self-defence'.

Note that there are certain circumstances where Arab deaths from violence should not be reported at all. This is when Arabs themselves openly claim to be the killers. This applies, for example, in the following cases:

If news of these killings does leak out into the Western media then simply write a brief statement including the words:

"The underlying cause of the violence was the oppressive Israeli occupation"

Any claims of deaths of Israelis during such incidents can be assumed to be false and hence ignored.

Rule 2: (Incidents involving loss of Israeli lives)

If Israelis are killed in a terrorist attack, then treat this as an opportunity to take a vacation from reporting.

However, you should immediately return from your vacation if it is discovered that an Israeli family in Jerusalem is planning to build an extra bedroom to accommodate their new baby. In that case you should write a story with the headline

Israelis destroy chance of peace by announcing new West Bank settlement plans.

At the end of the article you can use the following statement:

An Israeli government spokesman claimed that the settlement plans were in response to what they claimed was a 'terrorist attack'.

The only exceptions to this rule are as follows:

Rule 3: (Demographics)

Remember the following important demographics in any report:

Rule 4: (Speaking to the natives)

Never interview an Israeli. Although this is especially important after an incident such as the above, it applies equally to any aspect of life in Israel or the Middle East. The only exceptions to this rule are:

To ensure this rule is adhered to it is safest to simply never speak to any Israeli Jew. Hence, make sure that whenever your are in Israel you either stay in the (Arab) American Colony Hotel Jersusalem or are hosted by a member of the Palestinian Authority or a person with a Haaretz press pass.

Rule 5 (Terminology)

Rule 6 (Peace activists)

Any non-Arab in the region who is involved in violent anti-Israel activities is a peace activist. If such a person dies under any circumstances then you must state before any evidence is produced that this person "was killed by Israeli troops". You must also put out an urgent call to all journalists in the world to write about nothing else for the next 7 days. Also contact every playwrite to request a play dedicated to this martyr of the Palestinian cause.

Rule 7 (Arabic speeches)

Never use the services of an Arabic translator to find out what Arab leaders and clerics are telling their own people, as in "We will not rest until every Jew is dead". This will ensure you do not have to waste time telling readers that they have directly contradicted what they told you in English (as in "We want peace with Israel"). It will also save you having to explain (or even report) that wild anti-Semitic conspiracy theories are believed by 99.999% of all Arabs. A simple rule of thumb is the following:

Any statement X made to you by an Arab in English is to be treated as unimpeachable truth. Any statement Y made by an Arab in Arabic that contradicts X, can be treated as false and hence ignored.

In the unlikely event that news of the translation gets into the main stream media you simply have to report that the translation is the work of MEMRI — a Zionist organisation dedicated to mis-translation to make Arabs look like anti-Semitic, homophobic, misogynistic psychopaths. If, even after that, the translation is proved to be accurate then you can simply say that the statement was "theatrical rhetoric which was never supposed to be meant literally".

Rule 8 (Israeli evidence)

Be aware that in most major stories where you are able to cast Israel as the devil incarnate, the Israelis subsequently produce hard evidence (videos, documents etc) that prove they were not guilty of the claims that had been made. In such cases there is no need to report on the new evidence. However, if you wish to remind readers of the original story you can include the following words at the end:

"Israel has claimed that some of these accusations are not true, but sources cast doubt on the authenticity of the Israeli evidence".

Rule 9 (Rocket attacks against Israel)

The rule here is simple: Never report on any rocket attacks against Israel (also note: there is no Israeli town called Sderot). The only exception to this rule is if Israel eventually retaliates. In that case you can lead with a major story reporting that Israel has attacked civilians and you can include the following statement at the end of your 26 page report:

"The Israelis claim that their attack was in response to home made rocket attacks from Gaza/Lebanon."

Rule 10 (Geography and Religion)

Rule 11 (Tactics of War)

Rule 12 (Peace Partners)

Under no circumstances ever mention that the Hamas Charter calls for the death of all Jews and cites the Protocols of the Elders of Zion for its inspiration. Similarly, never mention that, even after the Oslo accords, the Palestinian Authority has never renounced its own charter calling for the destruction of Israel.

Rule 13 - (The Final Option)

If you have any doubt about the content of a story, or if you simply cannot be bothered to write anything yourself, then simply copy and paste whatever Al Jazeera is saying on its website.

This appeared June 8, 2011 on Edgar Davidson's blog and is archived at


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