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by Seth J. Frantzman


Can Islam Save the White Man? Racist as it sounds, the decline of the 'white man' is one of the great themes of the 20th century. Through discussions of 'white privilege', affirmative action, the disappearance from education of the oft-called 'dead white man's history' and the concentration on multi-culturalism and diversity, the white man has lost his power both in terms of the historical narrative and under the law. But with the rise of Islam and it becoming the 'most favored minority' the white man has a new chance to redeem himself and celebrate imperialism, slavery and god. All he has to do is convert to Islam and he can once again glory in his past and be loved at home. He can even dust off those old KKK robes because now blowing up gays, Jews and blacks isn't racist, its just the act of a militant with a legitimate grievance such as 'occupation'.


In the aftermath of the 1960s the white man has become a less than popular species. Whether it is the rise of feminism and African-American studies or post-colonialism, moral relativism and post-modernism the role of the white man in the West has been in a steady decline. From affirmative action to multi-culturalism and diversity he is no longer the top of the roost. Whether it is critiques of 'white privilege' or the condemnation of history as 'dead white men' the role of the white man and his history and the Christian religion has been increasingly marginalized.

But is there a way to redeem the white man? Could Islam grant him a path to renewed dominance and approval? In a controversial episode that gained some media attention in 2007 there was a story of a Muslim mosque in Texas and how the local bigoted intolerant Christian white townspeople decided to start holding pig races near it. The controversy was that Muslims find pigs offensive. The television crew went down to Texas to find the victimized Muslims who were being discriminated against by intolerant white trash. They found the Muslim leader of the mosque. He was a convert. He was originally an overweight white redneck. But now he was a Muslim. He spoke with the same Texas twang. But now he had a 20 year old Morrocan wife who was completely obedient and covered up. He still enjoyed shooting his rifle. He apparently obstained from drinking but everything else in his life remained the same. Here was the overweight white hick, usually portrayed as a racist chauvinist, but now he had become the victim and a member of America's Most Favored Minority (MFM), Islam.

It didn't take him much. He said some simple declaration such as La La Il Allah, Muhamed Resu Allah and he was suddenly a victim. Suddenly at airports if he was searched he was a victim. Suddenly if he wanted to marry a girl half his age it was part of his culture and if he wanted to marry a few women he was no longer a 'Mormon polygamist' but a wonderful exotic Muslim. Suddenly if he spoke like a chauvinist about women staying at home people listened and called it 'culture'. Suddenly if he hated abortion he wasn't a 'right wing Republic fundamentalist' but a man practicing his culture. Now if his wife averted her eyes and was never seen it was part of their culture and exotic tradition. Now this white man was a professional victim, an interesting wonderful minority whose values would be respected at his school if, for instance, he didn't want the Holocaust or homosexuality taught to his children. Suddenly if he had faith and spoke about God people listened and wanted to learn more. Suddenly if he showed up at a dinner party hosted by wealthy liberals in the city he wasn't an unwanted 'racist' but a wonderful exotic piece of diversity. But he hadn't changed. He had just said a few words.

After the white man converts to Islam all those pieces of history that were formerly not interesting suddenly become interesting. While Jefferson's slave owning might be reviled, if instead he wants to uphold the slave owning of his white ancestors in Arabia then it is exotic and wonderful. While if he wanted to relish in the story of slave traders bringing slaves from Ghana to the Americas in the 19th century he would be called 'racist'; if he instead wanted to relish in the story of white Muslim slavers bringing Africans from Zanzibar to Yemen it would be called 'fascinating'. Suddenly worshipping leaders who had multiple wives and were deeply religious was interesting. Suddenly telling heroic stories of battles wasn't 'militaristic' but part of his culture and 'tradition'.

And if he was sort of racist, calling blacks 'Kaffir' or 'Abd' (slave) it wasn't 'racist' but also part of his 'culture' because Kaffir means 'infidel' and everyone knows that there is no racism in Islam. If he supported the genocide in Darfur by the white Arabs suddenly it wasn't racist because as every good liberal knows the conflict in Darfur isn't about 'race', its about resources and its due to 'global warming'. Suddenly if he supported the Apartheid regimes in the Gulf Arab states where the countries are governed by a white Arab elite and immigrants make up the vast majority of the people and the labourers, it wasn't considered Apartheid but a glittering wonder called 'Dubai', a respectable place to vacation.

And if in his culture there was unequal distribution of wealth there was no critique by leftist socialists but it was held up instead as a success of 'Arab socialism'. If women had no rights it was not a cause for feminism but a cause for celebration and feminists even donned headscarves out of respect for his 'culture'. If he hated gays it wasn't called 'intolerance' but instead it was called 'cultural'. If he stoned women to death for adultery or cut off the heads of criminals it was also cultural. If he hated 'witches' and hit his children it was his 'culture'. If he loved the death penalty it was applauded by leftists as part of his 'culture'. Suddenly secular society wanted to help him celebrate his holidays which became the most interesting exotic things because they had names like Ramadan and Eid.

Now instead of people scoffing at the miracles of Jesus they were interested in how the Jesus was a prophet. Suddenly his art, under the guise of Islamic art, and his civilization, under the guise of Islamic civilization were wonderful. Now imperialism was wonderful and when he regaled people with the tales of 'Muslim Spain' or the 'Ottoman' and 'Mughal Empires,' people were enthralled about the empire. Now when he called Jews 'dogs' it was part of his culture and people wanted to learn more.

THE SAVIOR OF THE WHITE RACE CAN BE FOUND IN ISLAM. While the KKK is considered a terrorist organization so long as it calls itself Christian, if it were to call itself 'Al Jihad al Quds' it could wear the same white hoods and have the same meetings and then its cross burning and bombings of black churches and lynchings wouldn't be racist terrorism but rather a 'militant' Jihad and any attempt to suppress it would be said to lead to a 'cycle of violence' and be 'playing into its hands'.

If you want to hate abortion and gays and have four wives and beat them and love slavery and imperialism there is nothing wrong with it so long as you call yourself Muslim. Its only a matter of time before affirmative action is given to Muslims and unlike with making one's skin black (a process that is near to impossible) the white man can easily take advantage of this affirmative action. Whites found it hard to take advantage of becoming gay in order to gain victimhood and MFM status. Between 1990 and 2001 when the gay minority were supreme most whites felt that changing one's sexual orientation was a hard bridge to cross just to become a victim in the eyes of the media. But the gays are old school now. They are has-beens. Who cares about the gays? Their 'civil rights' used to be very important and for a few years we all had to hear about their 'struggle' against oppression and learn the story of Matthew Shephard and 'sexual orientation' got written into those things one could not discriminate against and they were quite popular on campuses with 'national coming out day' and gay parades and 'drag day'. But the era of the Gays is over. The era of the blacks is at an end as well.

Since 2001 we have been living in the era of Islam. But this is all good news for the white man. He has weathered the storm. Forty years or so of learning about African-American rights, women's rights and gay rights are at an end. Slavery, imperialism, child rape, wife-beating, chauvinism, the death penalty, religion. It's back! All you have to do is the following (from

1. Quietly, to yourself, make the intention to embrace Islam as your faith.
2. Say the following words with clarity of intention, firm faith and belief:
3. Say: "Ash-hadu an la ilaha Ill Allah." (I bear witness that there is no diety but Allah.)
4. Say: "Wa ash-hadu ana Muhammad ar-rasullallah." (And I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.)
5. Take a shower, symbolically cleansing yourself of your past life.
6. Learn how to pray and practice Islam in your daily life.
7. Continue to learn, study, and grow in your new faith

So, white man, are you ready to become a minority again after all these years of being in the dog house? Are you ready for the wine-drinking arrogant leftists to love you again? Are you ready for people to want to learn about your culture again? Are you tired of being called a 'hick, redneck, white, hillbilly racist?' Do you want to hate black people and gays and abortion and have it be considered exotic and 'cultural'? Do you want to blow up abortion clinics, gay bars and federal buildings and have people call you a 'militant'? Do you want to hate the Jews and deny the Holocaust and have people love you for it?

Well pick up a gun, cover up your bible with the cover of a Koran and let's be Muslims! Now you can be a victim and your history can be revered and they won't ever tell you about 'white privilege' again. Islam is the way for the white man. It is the path to his redemption.

Seth J. Frantzman is a graduate student in Islamic and Middle Eastern Studies at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. His master's thesis was on the 1948 war. Contact him at

This essay was published September 8, 2008 in the Terra Incognita Journal addiction-nudity.html


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